What's Wrong?

You walked over to me this morning standing so strong,

You see my frown and ask what’s wrong?

I’ve heard this question so many times before,

It’s hard to answer without causing an uproar,

I woke up this morning believing I was a mistake,

I woke up this morning with a feeling I can’t shake,

I woke up this morning believing my own lies,

Because that little man in my head is never satisfied,

He gags my happiness and convinces me it was an illusion,

So I come to the conclusion that my happiness is not obtainable,

And my wild mood swings are not trainable,

So when I woke up this morning I tried to calm my shaky hands,

And throw away my freedom and see where it lands,

As you can see I’m not in control,

Even though they say that I fill that role,

No matter how many times you say that you understand,

Your mind is creating an artificial dreamland,

You don’t understand and you never will,

You don’t understand that these thoughts can kill,

I’m trying to explain that my experience is different than yours,

The path to recovery has many detours,

I crawl on all fours,

To try and reach the doors,

To the lasting cures,

Of my internal wars,

But you think this is the same as having to stay indoors on a sunny day,

You think this is an easy price to pay,

You think it's as easy as lighting a match,

You think it's as easy as finding an escape hatch,

You think it's as easy as attacking the evil with all your might,

But what you don’t get is that the darkness makes it hard to see what you have to fight,

I’m stuck here waiting,

Assessing the problems I’m creating,

Stuck here debating,

It's so frustrating and aggravating,

Stuck here hesitating,

The dominating force of evil,

But that evil is inside of me,

And no matter how many times you say it isn’t it won’t let me be,

But I am just as much to blame,

I’m not making this a fair game,

Tiny devils have sold my soul without my consent,

Now I’m bound with endless torment,

And like a hurricane, it drags you in too,

When you think you’re safe you have deja vu,

I am a minefield,

Take one step closer and a bomb is revealed,

Doctors say there’s something wrong with my brain,

If you ask me what’s wrong I’ll say it's hard to explain.


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Dedicated to my late Grandfather: Joel Rhein I think to myself about yesterday, Yesterday we fished by the pond, I think about his grey whisper beard, I turn to in question to see him respond. Sometim